בדיחות קלילות לימי הקיץ הלוהטים
 > >> My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was > >> flipping channels. > >> > She asked, 'What's on the TV?' > >> > > I said, 'Dust.' > >> > > > >> > > And then the fight started... > >> > > > >> > > ****************************************** > >> > > > >> > > My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while > >> > > we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" > >> > > "No," she answered. > >> > > I then said, "Is that your final answer?" > >> > > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." > >> > > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." > >> > > > >> > > And then the fight started.... > >> > > > >> > > ****************************************** > >> > > > >> > > Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, > >> > grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up > >> > the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a > >> > torrential downpour.. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back > >> > into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the > >> > weather would be bad all day. > >> > > > >> > > I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back > >> > > into > >> > bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different > >> > anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." > >> > > > >> > > My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid > >> > > husband > >> > is out fishing in that?" > >> > > > >> > > And that's how the fight started... > >> > > > >> > > ****************************************** > >> > > ***************************************** > >> > > > >> > > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming > >> > anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to > >> > 150 in about 3 seconds...' > >> > > > >> > > I bought her a set of scales. > >> > > > >> > > And then the fight started..... > >> > > > >> > > ****************************************** > >> > > > >> > > When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her > >> > > someplace > >> > expensive... > >> > > so, I took her to a gas station. > >> > > > >> > > And then the fight started.... > >> > > > >> > > ****************************************** > >> > > > >> > > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for > >> > Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my > >> > driver's license to verify my age... I looked in my pockets and > >> > realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was > >> > very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. > >> > > > >> > > The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt > >> > > revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on > >> > > your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social > >> > > Security application > >> > > > >> > > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at > >> > > the > >> > Social Security office.. > >> > > > >> > > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have > >> > > gotten > >> > disability, too.' > >> > > > >> > > And then the fight started... > >> > > > >> > > ****************************************** > >> > > > >> > > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, > >> > > and I > >> > kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink a she sat alone > >> > at a nearby table. > >> > > > >> > > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' > >> > > > >> > > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took > >> > > to > >> > drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear > >> > she hasn't been sober since.' > >> > > > >> > > 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on> > >> celebrating that long?' > >> > > > >> > > And then the fight started... > >> > > > >> > > ****************************************** > >> > > > >> > > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took > >> > > my > >> > order first. > >> > > "I'll hav the strip steak, medium rare, please." > >> > > He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" > >> > > Nah, she can order for herself." > >> > > > >> > > And then the fight started.... > >> > > > >> > > ****************************************** > >> > > > >> > > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. > >> > > She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I > >> > > feel > >> > horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. > >> > > I really need you to pay me a compliment.' > >> > > > >> > > The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect..' > >> > > > >> > > And then the fight started..... > >> > > > > > > >
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