| Self awareness.It’s the strangest thing, the whole concept of diet and exercise, and how aware it makes us of our bodies. On the one hand we are chastised for being self aware and vain, for looking in the mirror too much and caring about what we look like. I myself always laugh at those gym instructors who are forever looking at themselves in the mirror as some poor fat person is sweating and lifting weights right next to them; and they are not sneaking glances – they look, they check themselves out and mostly, they are happy with what they see. How nice for themJ. On the other hand we are supposed to be aware of our body, what we eat, how we look, how we dress….and on the other hand, again, we need to be who we are, we need to feel comfortable in our own skin, we need to ‘love ourselves so that others can love us’ etc. etc. bla bla bla…..would they make up their bloody mind and decide– which is it? Aware or modest?I went out on a date once with a very large guy….I am being polite. He was bloody huge!!! He was as tall as I am and as wide as I am tall! (I am 169cm) and it’s ok; it’s ok for him that he is fat, but gees, it was a blind date!!! You’d think he would have mentioned something about the size. I always manage to slip in the conversation the fact that I have an ass….and it’s not of huge proportions; it’s just bigger than normal. If you were to go on a blind date and you were blind, or in a wheel chair, or painted blue– wouldn’t you mention it?? Wouldn’t you give the person the opportunity to say ”actually, I don’t really go for people who are blue…they are not my type”. When we go on a blind date there are usually variations to the picture we see in our mind (or on the computer). He might have a little less hair, a bit of a beer belly maybe. She might have a larger ass than you expected, smaller tits, crooked teeth….whatever. BUT, if you were painted blue…or were enormously over weight…don’t you think that warrants a mention?This guy, this date I went on, (and yes, I did go out and have a coffee with him) was so completely UNAWARE ….that at the end of the date he even had the gall to say to me that I was a little ‘wider’ then he expected. He was a little wider too…about 1.5 meters wider!!!!!!!!!!!!So? Aware or unaware? Which is it? When I started this process I thought I needed to loose 10 kilo’s, I have so far lost 8 (in about 12 weeks – for those of you who are interested) and I now realize that, now, after all the effort and after loosing the 8kg’s, I look like a girl who needs to loose about 10 kilos. And I wonder, how did I not see? I have been looking in the mirror for 30 years – where have I been looking? at my beautiful eyes??? Was I so unaware, that I didn’t see the truth? Didn’t see the size I had gotten to?Anyway, I’ve opened my eyes. And now, although I’m loosing weight ALL I see is how much more I have to loose, how much fat is still hanging around my ass, how much my arms look like my grandmothers, how my stomach bulges, my thighs wobble…need I go on? People say I notice because I have now become aware of myself. I have no answer; I don’t know how aware or unaware we should be all I can tell you is that now I know, now I notice everything….and ignorance was bliss J. |