Ok now you will hate me, what I am going to share with you now will loose me all my friends….

I am a horrible person. I am. Really.

I see couples kissing and I feel like throwing up on them (why can't they stay indoors?).

I really am a city snob, I am impressed by zipcodes.

I want everyone in the world to stay single (all the time I am)

When I was a kid I wanted to grow up to be a dictator. 

People tell me to go with the flow (I want to beat them to a pulp)

When someone I know has an art show, I say I am happy for them, but secretly I hate them.

Finding out one of my friends is pregnant is just onther way to say to me, take me off your going out and having fun list.

My friends become friends with each other and I am on the verge of suicide, because I hate sharing.

I really do wish every man I ever slept with would move to Alaska and die alone.

I try to be nice, I try to pretend that I want everyone to be happy, but I don’t really.

I want everyone to be cynical like me…..I like the sense of humour, optimists are so dull. I don’t want anyone to suffer, and I love my friends and partners very much but fuck what can I do my childhood didn’t prepare me for happy endings (and by the way I was much nicer when I used to take drugs...).

So now it’s out there, will anyone still be my friend? 

Because let's face it I am eviiiiilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

It's not all bad though, I’m great in a crisis.