My ex husband has a girlfriend with children she now sleeps over when my children are there they are walkinghand in hand meanwhile he never hugs the children nor has he been warm to me

i dont remember he ever held hands with me or touched me other than to want sex

so what is the deal ?

she has a good job but is really ugly and not especially nice to my boys

all she does is kiss their fahter then tells them say hello to your mother

my parents in law are very proud of their son

who was a violent idiot and still is somehow

i get very angry at this so called romance

after getting hit by him for years and the children too all of the sudden he is the lover

how can i get over this jealousy?

i dont really feel i want a relationship as i have been hurt so much by him and the children need me

You can thank god that you got rid of him and now he is another woman's problem and not yours and you can look at the bright side, that they treat your children properly, so thats a good thing after all.

Hi,

 

I tend to agree with Yael.

 

1st of all - GOOD RIDANCE. As we say at the Bar-Mitzva: "Baruch Sh'Pataranu"...

 

I think that the most import thing is for you to worry about a rich and fullfilling life for yourself. Work, friends, courses, hobbies, etc. I know thaty sounds trite, but it's your best bet for moving on with your life. I understand how awful your marriage was - but i think you really need to learn to put it behind you as best you can.

 

You sound somewhat ambivelant about a relationship for yourself. On one hand, you say you don't want a relationship due to all you have been through in yhour life. On the other hand, you are openly jealous that your ex has a relationship. I assume that the contradiction is evident to you.

 

Cheers,

Lavie

toda for your comments

yes i should thank god

when he gets in touch i will

but seriously yes, i have been luckier than some unortunate women

thanks again for pointing that out

yes there is the ambivalance

like the song

memories

memories may be beautiful and yet we  

tend to forget

so its the laughter we will remember whenever we remember the way

 we were

relationsips are complex

yet it is important to make the decisions and move foreward

shana tova and toda for your wise comments

צטט: ziggi 2008-09-28 15:39:15

jealousy ?

My ex husband has a girlfriend with children she now sleeps over when my children are there they are walkinghand in hand meanwhile he never hugs the children nor has he been warm to me

i dont remember he ever held hands with me or touched me other than to want sex

so what is the deal ?

she has a good job but is really ugly and not especially nice to my boys

all she does is kiss their fahter then tells them say hello to your mother

my parents in law are very proud of their son

who was a violent idiot and still is somehow

i get very angry at this so called romance

after getting hit by him for years and the children too all of the sudden he is the lover

how can i get over this jealousy?

i dont really feel i want a relationship as i have been hurt so much by him and the children need me 

Hi Ziggi -

I can understand how you feel.

It mostly hurts when you know he could have been different to you and the boys...

 

If you realy want to get over him - you should try to meet someone else - that is good, loving, cares for you - a positive man in his base.

I know it sounds sometimes impossible to do - but if you try, it can one day just happen!!!

 

It's the best decision you took - to get separated from him, if he only hurted you.

You deserve the best - and definitely not the worst kind of character.

 

Be brave - and think optimistically.

Shana Tova,

Idit

toda idit

shana tova

i am not sure whether finding someone would be the solution

as i am wondering where did i go wrong?

i no longer believe in trusting someone all the way

as he saying goes

kabdeu ve chashdeu

respect and suspect

anyway i just wonder how is it that some men and women can go into new relationships so easily

 while others need to heal?

is it a matter of depth ?

i have seen men go from one relationship to another without blinking

while i always needed time to think and heal

divorce i think makes me feel i have failed even though the facts were that there was violence i still blame myself and think it could have been avoided

i should have done things differently

just to avoid this black pit called divorce

and yes i am afraid that there are many men like him out there

far more than ones not like him

so how do you learn to trust again ? 

צטט: ziggi 2008-09-30 18:20:24

toda idit

shana tova

i am not sure whether finding someone would be the solution

as i am wondering where did i go wrong?

i no longer believe in trusting someone all the way

as he saying goes

kabdeu ve chashdeu

respect and suspect

anyway i just wonder how is it that some men and women can go into new relationships so easily

 while others need to heal?

is it a matter of depth ?

i have seen men go from one relationship to another without blinking

while i always needed time to think and heal

divorce i think makes me feel i have failed even though the facts were that there was violence i still blame myself and think it could have been avoided

i should have done things differently

just to avoid this black pit called divorce

and yes i am afraid that there are many men like him out there

far more than ones not like him

so how do you learn to trust again ? 

Hi Ziggi,

 

I don't have all the answers.

I myself afraid of men who can hurt my child.

But if you don't try it you'll miss all the good the world can offer you.

 

You shouldn't blame yourself of his violence - anything you would have done wont matter .

He was born like that - and probably will continue to act like that if he wont go to therapy or counselling.

 

When you'r down nothing seemes to be right - all the things are negative.

Maybe you should go to your physician and ask for a drage which can help you recovere from (maybe) a sort of depression...

 

And perhaps it's too soon for you to think about a new relationship - so don't do anything about it right now - just enjoy your freedom and your family.

 

Hope for you that the next year will be much better.

Idit